Do Your Characters Pee or Brush Their Teeth?

Little boy brushing his teeth.

If you’re a writer, do your characters pee?

I had a funny interaction with a fantasy writer today who said that his characters don’t do a lot of normal, day to day things on the page. I don’t do that, either, unless I think it might be interesting. I write M/M romance now, so, unless my characters are going to do something interesting in the shower, they never take showers. They don’t bathe, brush their teeth, comb their hair, or trim their toenails. They are a bunch of unkempt, reeking men with failing organs because they never use the bathroom or fart. Flies swirl around them and no one can get near them without gagging.

Erm. No. They do all of their grooming and pooping off page. Actually, since it’s romance, they are ethereal beings who simply don’t poop. They’re like the angels. Unless angels poop. Do angels poop?

Thomas, oh, yes—that Thomas—Mr. Carillon, my troublesome medium—peed in the woods once. He also vomits when he imbibes too much absinthe. Frank Hope vomited a few times. I was pretty tough on poor Frank. Let’s face it, he had it coming, nasty Necromancer. I don’t know if those things upset any of my readers since no one has ever mentioned it—yet. Someday, someone will and I’ll regret upsetting them. Whatever anyone might think, I don’t enjoy upsetting my readers. That’s for writers like G.R.R.M. I’m an idealist. I love a happy ending.

In other genres, like fantasy or sci-fi, it seems like the way to add some grit is to make your characters do a few things (like poop). A few mundane touches can add a bit of realism that gives the fantastic elements authenticity. We believe them more because they occur in a world that shares enough in common with ours that the other stuff seems real, too.

It doesn’t have to be that way, of course, fantasy and sci-fi characters can be as pristine as my romance men. I’ve written fantasy stories where people were immaculate. I have to confess, however, I loved writing a story where I made the lead character, a mage, get a bad case of the runs. I never described anything about the actual sickness, just the fact that he was slowing down his prince’s band of warriors. The warriors kept having to take turns to stay behind with him, and no one really wanted to. It was a bit of comic relief in a story that leaned toward somber. It also allowed one of the warriors to have mercy on the lad and take him under his wing. They built a brotherly relationship that impacted the overall arc of the story.

In any case, the amount of reality one allows in a story depends heavily on why it’s there. If it doesn’t move the story forward, add something to the flavor of the story, or build characterization, it can probably just be skipped. Not everything needs to happen on the page. In the case of my romantic leads, some of it doesn’t need to happen at all.

Thomas never bathes, but, no matter what he does, he always smells like violet water.

2 thoughts on “Do Your Characters Pee or Brush Their Teeth?”

  1. This is awesome. I love your blog posts! In my latest romantic suspense novel, Jesse’s need to pee, since she was injured became part of the story. Hawk would ask her if she needed help “going to the bushes.” Most bodily stuff happens off stage, Hawk was thrilled to finally get to his father’s bathroom and be able to brush his teeth with toothpaste and a new brush after living in the bush for three years. He also took a hot shower alone that was close to orgasmic. I agree that it has to suit the story and the characters.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Exactly! I think you have a lot more latitude with romantic suspense versus straight up romance. My vomiting guys were technically in dark paranormal romances, so maybe that’s why no one has complained. I thought those touches in your novel, Lure, added to it’s realism and made the story richer.

      Thank you for saying you liked my posts!

      Like

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